Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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