My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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