So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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