He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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