remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
