i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
