Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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