She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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