dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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