There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
