Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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