I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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