its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
