Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
