He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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