Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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