Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
