we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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