I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
