Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
