I wanna bring you to show and tell
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
