Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
