I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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