I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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