Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
