respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
