I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
