Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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