your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
