I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
