Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
