I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
