he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
