3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
