That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
