her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i love accidental penises.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
