I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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