I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
do herpes really smell.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
