Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
