okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
