I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
