I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've blown a few things in my day
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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