What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
