The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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