Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
