Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
