I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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