and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
