Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
