I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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