I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
