Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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